Lessons I learnt from my mother

Lessons I learnt from my mother

My mother Dr (Mrs) Sirima Goonesinghe was born in 1926.  Yesterday I watched her sleeping peacefully as she lay in a hospital bed after she suffered a massive stroke.  A stroke we are not expecting her to recover from.

In the middle of the night, as I stayed with her at her bed side, I kept remembering the long conversations we have had and advise she had given us as we traveled this journey called life together...

These are some of the more memorable lessons we learnt from her.

Going with the flow

As the youngest in a family of 13, at a very young age she learnt the art of going with the flow.  She used to tell us stories about how all of her sisters and brothers used to ‘boss’ her around. But it never made her bitter.  She learnt the art of just ‘going with the flow’  

This was a quality she demonstrated to us all her life.  And it helped her to live a contented and peaceful life – despite many obstacles.

And in her 90s, when she developed early dementia.  She always remained happy and contented with her life. Never showed any bitterness at whatever the problems that the world threw at her. And there were many …

Perseverance

She came from a family of teachers, farmers, artists and business owners.  But she wanted to become a medical doctor.  She used to tell us the stories of how she overcame multiple obstacles to achieve this goal.

Being humble

Her achievements were many.

She created a simple process to diagnose and treat visual defects in people in remote parts of the world. And on her own she helped over 100,000 school kids free of charge.

She did the world’s first corneal transplant surgery under acupuncture anesthesia.

She was a founder member of the Eye Donation Society of Sri Lanka.  These days, Sri Lanka, which is a tiny island in the Indian ocean is one of the largest donors of Corneas to the whole world.

She was also a founder member of the Buddhist Students Federation and a trustee of the Dhamma Vijaya Foundation.  All these organizations are still active and help the spiritual and physical well being of many.

She was active in Lionism.  She was a Soroptimist.  At one time we counted over 20 non for profit organizations that she was active in.

And one day we found a box full of medals and honors that had been bestowed on her.  International and local.  She accepted them.

But she always remained humble.

Being a good parent and a grand parent

She taught both my brother and I by example. She guided us on our own journey of becoming Physicians. Comforted us when we were struggling. Always encouraged us to do our best and be our best.  Was always there to listen to our problems. And I strongly believe that her good wishes really made a difference in our lives.

She also helped us be independent at a very young age. I was only 12 yrs of age when she taught me how to manage money and buy groceries for our home.

And when Chula married my brother, she too was treated like a daughter.

And when the grand kids were born, she was always there for them too and loved them unconditionally.

Active listening

She knew the art of active listening.  And she helped 1000s of her patients not only with their medical problems.

She worked very long hours and gave them undivided attention always …

They always left her clinic with a healed body, mind and soul…

Generosity and Helping others without expecting anything in return

As we became adults, we were at times shocked at how generous she was. She would obtain personal loans from the bank and give money to anyone who needed it.  Irrespective of whether they could pay her back or not.

And she taught us by example the true art of helping others WITHOUT expecting anything in return.  Taught us NEVER to expect money that we gave away as a “loan” and consider it more like a donation.

One of her greatest gifts to mankind was the process she created to help school kids in remote parts of the world. And we hope to carry on her legacy after her death.

She told us over and over again – that the ‘good’ you do will look after you. 

“Always help people without expecting anything in return”.

Advice we will follow to our death beds.

Thinking outside the box

I remember as a child, she will go to a remote area in Sri Lanka. There would hardly be any facilities to carry on her projects.  But she would come up with very creative ways to create a fully functioning temporary clinic in a mud hut and ‘recruit’ any and all bystanders to be her assistants for the day.  And achieve what she set out to be.

Taking care of her self

For a long time she suffered from back pain and low blood sugar.  During these projects she always went prepared.  Although she worked very long hours, she always took care of herself.  And she took food with her so that she could have a snack every 4 hrs. Same with her back problem. She would make sure that she did not hurt her back during all these projects.

Spiritual development

She taught us the importance of taking care of our own mental wellbeing. Taught us the importance of meditation at a very young age.  And continued to practice what she preached.

Leading by example

As a Consultant Ophthalmologist, she got the whole community together and built an eye ward in a town called Negombo in Sri Lanka.  And everyday in the morning, before her rounds, she would go to the rest rooms and inspect them.  And if they were not clean, she will start cleaning them herself.  After about 2 days, I believe the cleaning crew went out of their way to keep them clean before she arrived. 

I saw that happen over and over again.  She will never order people around.  She would consider everyone equal, work with them to achieve whatever the goals she had to help the community.

Amma, we are going to miss you

But we will all try to carry on your legacy and try to emulate all that you have taught us.

May you attain Nibbana

Your loving children and grand children

Nalin, Chula, Iresha, Upeka and Akila Goonesinghe 

PS

Lot of you have asked us how you can help us carry on all the Community services she started. 

You could do that in 2 ways

Pay it forward and help others without expecting anything in return

You could also make a tax deductable donation at www.AHelpingHand.org  100% of your donation will go to help people in need