Lessons
I learnt from my mother
My
mother Dr (Mrs) Sirima Goonesinghe was born in 1926. Yesterday I watched her sleeping peacefully
as she lay in a hospital bed after she suffered a massive stroke. A stroke we are not expecting her to recover
from.
In
the middle of the night, as I stayed with her at her bed side, I kept remembering the long conversations we have had and advise she had given us as we traveled this journey called life together...
These
are some of the more memorable lessons we learnt from her.
Going
with the flow
As
the youngest in a family of 13, at a very young age she learnt the art of going with the flow. She used to tell us stories about how all of
her sisters and brothers used to ‘boss’ her around. But it never made her
bitter. She learnt the art of just ‘going with the
flow’
This
was a quality she demonstrated to us all her life. And it helped her to live a contented and
peaceful life – despite many obstacles.
And
in her 90s, when she developed early dementia.
She always remained happy and contented with her life. Never showed any
bitterness at whatever the problems that the world threw at her. And there were
many …
Perseverance
She
came from a family of teachers, farmers, artists and business owners. But she wanted to become a medical
doctor. She used to tell us the stories
of how she overcame multiple obstacles to achieve this goal.
Being
humble
Her
achievements were many.
She
created a simple process to diagnose and treat visual defects in people in
remote parts of the world. And on her own she helped over 100,000 school kids
free of charge.
She
did the world’s first corneal transplant surgery under acupuncture anesthesia.
She
was a founder member of the Eye Donation Society of Sri Lanka. These days, Sri Lanka, which is a tiny island
in the Indian ocean is one of the largest donors of Corneas to the whole world.
She
was also a founder member of the Buddhist Students Federation and a trustee of
the Dhamma Vijaya Foundation. All these
organizations are still active and help the spiritual and physical well being
of many.
She
was active in Lionism. She was a
Soroptimist. At one time we counted over
20 non for profit organizations that she was active in.
And
one day we found a box full of medals and honors that had been bestowed on
her. International and local. She accepted them.
But
she always remained humble.
Being
a good parent and a grand parent
She
taught both my brother and I by example. She guided us on our own journey of
becoming Physicians. Comforted us when we were struggling. Always encouraged us
to do our best and be our best. Was
always there to listen to our problems. And I strongly believe that her good
wishes really made a difference in our lives.
She
also helped us be independent at a very young age. I was only 12 yrs of age
when she taught me how to manage money and buy groceries for our home.
And
when Chula married my brother, she too was treated like a daughter.
And
when the grand kids were born, she was always there for them too and loved them
unconditionally.
Active
listening
She
knew the art of active listening. And
she helped 1000s of her patients not only with their medical problems.
She
worked very long hours and gave them undivided attention always …
They always left her clinic with a healed body, mind and soul…
Generosity
and Helping others without expecting anything in return
As
we became adults, we were at times shocked at how generous she was. She would
obtain personal loans from the bank and give money to anyone who needed
it. Irrespective of whether they could
pay her back or not.
And
she taught us by example the true art of helping others WITHOUT expecting
anything in return. Taught us NEVER to
expect money that we gave away as a “loan” and consider it more like a
donation.
One
of her greatest gifts to mankind was the process she created to help school
kids in remote parts of the world. And we hope to carry on her legacy after her
death.
She
told us over and over again – that the ‘good’ you do will look after you.
“Always
help people without expecting anything in return”.
Advice
we will follow to our death beds.
Thinking
outside the box
I
remember as a child, she will go to a remote area in Sri Lanka. There would
hardly be any facilities to carry on her projects. But she would come up with very creative ways
to create a fully functioning temporary clinic in a mud hut and ‘recruit’ any
and all bystanders to be her assistants for the day. And achieve what she set out to be.
Taking
care of her self
For
a long time she suffered from back pain and low blood sugar. During these projects she always went
prepared. Although she worked very long
hours, she always took care of herself.
And she took food with her so that she could have a snack every 4 hrs.
Same with her back problem. She would make sure that she did not hurt her back
during all these projects.
Spiritual
development
She
taught us the importance of taking care of our own mental wellbeing. Taught us
the importance of meditation at a very young age. And continued to practice what she preached.
Leading
by example
As
a Consultant Ophthalmologist, she got the whole community together and built an
eye ward in a town called Negombo in Sri Lanka.
And everyday in the morning, before her rounds, she would go to the rest
rooms and inspect them. And if they were
not clean, she will start cleaning them herself. After about 2 days, I believe the cleaning
crew went out of their way to keep them clean before she arrived.
I
saw that happen over and over again. She
will never order people around. She
would consider everyone equal, work with them to achieve whatever the goals she
had to help the community.
Amma,
we are going to miss you
But
we will all try to carry on your legacy and try to emulate all that you have
taught us.
May
you attain Nibbana
Your
loving children and grand children
Nalin,
Chula, Iresha, Upeka and Akila Goonesinghe
PS
Lot
of you have asked us how you can help us carry on all the Community services
she started.
You
could do that in 2 ways
Pay
it forward and help others without expecting anything in return
You
could also make a tax deductable donation at www.AHelpingHand.org 100% of your donation will go to help people
in need
My dear Iresha, my heart goes out to you at the loss of your beloved and amazing mother. You have honored her teachings, love, and compassion by following in her footsteps in your own remarkable life. Our community is blessed to have you. Namaste my dear friend. Love, Joy.
ReplyDelete(I do not use gmail)
Thank you very much for your kind words <3
DeleteYour mother was someone I knew growing up and knew fairy well. Inspirational and professional are two words that I can describe her with, and the immense ways she contributed to helping others. The forces will nature will take care of her beyond. Bless!.
ReplyDeleteThank you very much <3
ReplyDeleteDear Iresha,
ReplyDeleteI can understand how you feel at the loss of your beloved mother.
I would like to add that she was very kind to us when we visited your place for group discussions as medical students.
After reading what you have written about your mother I understand that all your good qualities have come to you from your mother.
Having already been on the pathway to Nibbana it wont be difficult for her to reach her goal very soon.
May she attain Supreme Nibbana!!
Ranjith
Thank you very much for your kind words.
DeleteIresha
DeleteDear Iresha,
I loved and admired your mother, Dr.Sirima from the first day I met her. She possessed radiant qualities and understanidng of human nature. She was prepared to help anyone who sought her help and services. She was very happy that the three of you became highly qualfied specialist doctors following her footsteps.I have no doubt that she has reached the Sotapatti state or even a higher spiritual level. Karu and I wish her the realization of the eternal bliss of Nibbana.
Karu and Malathi
Thank you very much for your kind words
DeleteDr. Goonesinghe,
ReplyDeleteI am thankful that her soul had graced and brought light and healing to this world. It's evident from all the charities she's founded and the good works she'd done in her life and how she passed her spirituality to you very early on when you shared with me how your family went for a 3 week meditation retreat. Most parents only think of doing what's fun for kids' memories as oppose to what matters eternally i.e. returning to where we all belong in Nirvana. You're so blessed and fortunate to have a mother like her. I hope we'll meet again when you're back in this part of the world.
Wishing you God's blessings in your future endeavours !
Josephine
Josephine
Than you very much for your kind words
DeleteDear Iresha
ReplyDeleteI was fortunate to have had the opportunity to be closely associated with your mother, Dear Dr Sirima as a colleague at Dharama Vijaya Foundation for nearly 10 years. She was indeed a wonderful and indefatigable lady with an extremely warm feelings towards the humanity. I remember walking alongside in the distant villages in Embilipitya, Vauniayawa, Anuradhapura, Trincomalee, Badulla et for eye camps and the grateful looks on the face of persons who were treated in an orderly manner as planned by Dr S as usual. She looked after the Ven Bhikkus with special care...She was a rare human being.I am very happy about Nalin and yourself following in the golden footsteps your loving, model mother. Let me quote a stanza from Subashithya or the 'Well Spoken'
'If you do any good to virtuous and worthy persons
Always the gain there from you immediately reap;
The water that is poured at the foot of a beautiful coconut palm
Turns into ambrosia in the coconuts that bear on its crown'
MAY SHE ATTAIN SUPREME NIBBANA
Ranjith S
Thank you so much for your very kind words. We all miss her a lot...
Delete